The conclusion

Because I know you have all been waiting with bated breath for the conclusion to my riveting airport drama, here it is.

I missed both flights to NYC last night. I got in the very long customer service (I am sure they use that term ironically) line to confirm that I was on the 6am, and to try and get some kind of compensation. When I made it to the front of the line an hour and a half later, the lady laughed it me and said it wasn't Delta's fault. It was the weather's fault, and the Air Traffic Controller's fault. I asked if anything is ever Delta's fault, and she said yes, Maintenance. I pointed out that I had gotten to the airport in time to make the next flight, but was trapped on the plane. She asked what I would have liked them to do. I said I would have liked them to let me off the plane. She pointed out that there were no jetways available -- would I have liked to be let off on the tarmac? I said yes, that would have been just fine. She asked if I actually thought that was safe. I certainly did think it was safe, since clearly no planes nearby were moving -- if there were, perhaps there would have been an open jetway and I could have gotten off the plane THAT way. I pointed out that there must be a way to get off the plane without a jetway -- if it had crashed, they wouldn't make us stay on the plane until we got to a jetway. She said that I needed to talk to the government, then, and said she couldn't deal with me and got up and left.

At this point it was 1:30am, and since I was confirmed on the 6am flight, it didn't even make sense to go to my cousin's. Instead, I got some blankets from another, more serviceable customer service rep, and settled down to try and get comfortable on a bank of chairs. Obviously this was impossible, since the cleaning crew was vacuuming, all the lights and TVs were on full blast, and a man nearby was snoring. I was close to going over and kicking that man. Sort of regretting that I didn't. Also, what a waste of energy. I get the vacuuming part (though I am certain the cleaning crew was talking really loud just to be mean to us), but do all the lights and TVs need to be on in a mostly-empty terminal at 3am?

After that lovely night's sleep, I boarded the 6am flight that was scheduled to land at LaGuardia at 8:15am (if not sooner, since they said it was an hour and 20 minute flight). Then I pretty much passed out. I vaguely remember hearing things like, "We're circling Virginia," which sounded unproductive. When I finally woke up, it was well after 9:00 and the captain was announcing that we weren't allowed to land at La Guardia, but we were running out of fuel, so we were going to land at Newark. First of all, how awesome is it for the pilot to ANNOUNCE that we were RUNNING OUT OF FUEL? OMG. Also, I know jet fuel is expensive, and that is why flights are so expensive, but maybe flights would be cheaper if you didn't waste so much jet fuel CIRCLING VIRGINIA.

So we finally land at Newark at 9:45, an hour and a half AFTER my flight was supposed to land, and IN A DIFFERENT STATE. I know people consider Newark to be an NYC airport, but let's face it, no one ever goes there. So I get off the flight and am waiting around for someone to help me figure out the best way to get from Newark to Manhattan. A guy from the airline is explaining that there will be shuttle buses to take us from Newark to LGA, which is just great, except I don't want to go to LGA, so I ask how I can get to Manhattan. And he says, "If you want to go to Manhattan, you're on you're own." Fucker. Yes, I REALIZE I am on my own, I am not asking you for a RIDE to Manhattan, but it would help if you would let me know what options there were to TAKE me into Manhattan, for which I would pay with my own dime. I asked about the AirTrain vs. cabs, and he said "Cabs are faster, AirTrain is cheaper." Which was fabulously helpful at telling me HOW TO GET TO EITHER OF THEM. At this point it was already 10am, and I had an 11am conference call, and I just wanted to get out of fucking New Jersey, so I took a cab, which got me to work just in time for the low, low price of $80. AWESOME. And of course, the client doesn't bother to show up for the call. The one I raced here for. The one I spent $80 to be on time for. Meanwhile, work is telling me that I was traveling for personal reasons, so I may not even be able to expense that $80. Of course, if it had been up to me, I would have taken the cheapest option possible to get back to the city, regardless of time, and just checked my Blackberry. Damn everyone.

So pissed off this morning I had a chik-fil-a fried chicken on a biscuit before I boarded the plane, and my favorite steak and rice plate for lunch (although that usually fills me up so much that I don't eat dinner). And there is no freaking way I am going to the gym tonight, as I had planned. It is bad enough I have to go to Holocaust class, which I really like, but all I want to do is sleep. And throw things at Delta employees. I can only hope that running around the Atlanta airport with a heavy suitcase counted for something.

Falling asleep as I write. Trying to leave work, but have to wait for a creative to finish something up that needs to go to a client. Also my shoulder/neck muscle spasm is fucking killing me. Delta is going to fucking pay. They don't even know what they've got coming.