I hate the gym

I woke up at 6 this morning to take a class at the gym, and I honestly think I would have been better off sleeping. I've been completely exhausted all day, and the class SUCKED. Well, it sucked for me -- the other 5 people there seemed to find it beneficial. I could tell immediately it would be a problem when she started us out with squat thrusts, my least favorite exercise in the world, the one that is guaranteed to have be gasping for breath within 30 seconds, causing people around me to ask if I have asthma or if I am a smoker. This is a true story. That is what I sound like after 30 seconds of strenuous exercise. (This is why I get a kick out of people telling me the gym is a great place to meet guys. Do you mean when I am gasping for breath like a dying woman, my face is hot pink, and I am drenched in sweat? Seriously, how am I not dating anyone?)

The class was Cardio Sculpt, which seemed about as basic as it gets. There was just so much I could not do, and the instructor was not overly encouraging. No "work at your own pace," no "just do your best" -- which I guess isn't required or anything, but it would have been nice to be validated, particularly since I was front and center and surely the entire class, since there were only 5 of them, was watching me humiliate myself. I had this problem yesterday with the personal trainer, but at least she was nice and encouraging -- I am just so out of shape that I don't even hurt in the right places. I can barely do anything that requires a push-up position, because my wrists are so bad; when I try to do anything standing on one foot, my instep starts to hurt or my ankle twists. I can't even work out the right muscles because my body won't cooperate. I guess it takes time to build that up, even though no one else ever seems to have this trouble, but I get so frustrated and that makes me upset and I can't help but start to tear up, which is even more embarrassing and just makes it worse. Yes, I know, it's stupid that I cry while exercising, but I really can't help it.

In the shower this morning I was drafting nasty letters in my head to the people running this thing. "You have set me up for failure . . . I was upfront about my weight loss needs/goals and yet you let me think I would be an appropriate candidate to get a 'beach body' in a month . . . no way am I putting on a bathing suit two weeks from now . . ." Obviously I am taking no further action in that direction, but I am thinking it in my head. It is annoying when people say, "Wait and see! A lot can happen in two weeks!" Fifty pounds, people. Get real.

Again, not giving up. But not expecting to be skinny in two weeks. I'll be glad when these two weeks are over and I can just focus on doing my best instead of worrying about the bathing suit.